Dropping The Night Feed

dropping the night time feedI had an excellent conversation with a friend the other day regarding the different methods of dropping the night feed. As she is a mother of three she has some invaluable experience and a few top tips that I will share with you below.

Firstly we both agreed that it is best to wait until your baby sleeps through the night by itself before attempting this technique as the main reason they wake up is because of hunger.

When they are little their tummies can only hold enough food to last them for a few hours which is why we feed them so often.

If they can sleep more than that without waking up then you can be pretty sure that their tummy is now large enough to hold enough food to sustain them for that period.

Don’t let your baby guilt you into thinking that they are starving and need food. If you let the longest amount of sleep they have had in one block guide you then that should be a pretty good indication of how long they can last between the last night feed and the first morning one.

The first time our bub slept all the way through (I think she was 4.5 months old) my wife and I awoke around 6am with a start. We had put her to bed after her last feed at 10pm which meant that she had slept almost eight whole hours. Holy smoke! We both rushed into her room in a panic only to find her sleeping, well, like a baby.

There was no warning or gradual lengthening of sleep periods. She went from five hours the night before straight to eight that first time. When she finally did wake up she fed well and was straight back into her four hour routine as per normal.

Excellent we thought. She can last for eight hours. From now on no more night time feeds.

Our strategy was to give her a late feed (10 or 11pm) and then not another one till 6 or 7am. When she woke in the night we would go in to her and place a comforting hand on her for reassurance but we would not pick her up and definitely would not feed her.

At first she took a while to settle and we had to keep going in and repeat the same actions. After a few nights she realized that there was no point in waking up as there is no food going so she didn’t bother after that.

Sometimes we felt it was necessary to let her cry a little before going into her room to comfort her.  We would wait until her cries had died down and then go in. We definitely did not want to pick her up and we didn’t want her to think that we were coming in to her because she was crying so we would wait for a break in the cries and then go in.

In this way we were able to let her know that we are around and that she is safe without appearing to be at her beck and call (which of course we are).

Our friend would do exactly the same thing except instead of no feeding in the night they would give their bub a bottle filled with warm water.  After a few days her kids didn’t bother either. A bottle of warm water is not worth waking up for.

I’ll be first to admit that we are extremely fortunate in the sleep department. Our bub has always seemed to like her sleep and so far we haven’t had to struggle with getting her to bed. She knows the routine and she likes it that way.

Admittedly we were slightly militaristic in our approach to bed time and she has always slept in her own cot in her own room so whether it was the strict routine or our baby’s natural tendency to sleep well, I guess we will never know.

The fact of the matter is that we now all enjoy a full night’s sleep most nights which is good for the sanity of everyone in our household.

Thank you and good night…

Posted in Infant feeding | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Disclaimer

After all the hoop-a-la surrounding my Childcare article I find it necessary to qualify a few points about me and this blog.

The name Superdad is aspirational and ironic not factual. i.e. I would like to be a superdad but I know that I am not.

I am only a beginner with one child who is trying to learn as much about parenting as I can. As someone pointed out the real super dads are the single dads who have to juggle work and child raising duties on their own. No arguments here.

I am not a medical practitioner, a child care expert or even a early childhood teacher. In fact I have no qualifications, no experience and generally no idea at all!

Almost everything I post here is opinion only and that is generally based on my own hands on experiences and advice that I have received from other parents.

So… Enter at your own risk!

I am however passionate about raising kids in a loving, caring and supportive environment and I am not afraid to voice my opinions on this.

Equally I am not afraid of admitting I am wrong and changing my mind so I encourage you all to add to the knowledge and worth of this site with informative and useful commentary. Maybe we can all learn something?

Alright, enough said. I am off to find some other thought provoking parenting issue to bang on about…

James   xx

Posted in Parenting | 1 Comment

Stay At Home Dad – I’m Sorry

Stay at home dad James WilkinsonHello all,

Following is a copy of the follow up article to “Child care – is it a parents job” otherwise known as “Doesn’t anyone look after their kids anymore” that was published on the Mamamia website.

Thanks to all of you who supported me in this viewpoint and to all of those who disagreed respectfully.

The world would be a pretty boring place if we all shared the same opinion.

Regards

James

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Dear MM readers,

Thank you all so much for your honest comments. I spent most of the weekend reading through every single comment carefully and can only express my extreme horror that I have managed to offend so many people in so many different ways with my own personal ramblings and sweeping generalizations.

What is blazingly clear to me is that I am completely out of touch with the community in general on this issue. That does not surprise me as the Stay at home dad does not belong to a community.

The general consensus is that I am judgmental and self-righteous, criticizing others for their choices to make myself feel better. Looking back on the article I have to agree with you all but that was never my intention.

I wrote that post in my blog (you know, that place where you are allowed to spout all your hopes dreams and frustrations no matter how ridiculous) after a particularly degrading day as a Stay at home dad. I had been told that I was lazy, that I should get a job and put our two year old child in care so that she would be better off and we could buy a house.

In addition I was completely ignored by two ladies at the playground while our children were playing together. They spoke to each other just not to me. This is not the first time.

So I come home feeling incredibly fired up with no one to talk to and try to justify my own existence as a Stay home dad by having a rant on my site about feeling judged and ignored by the community at large.

It is ironic that I ended up judging and hurting everyone else instead. How sad and how sorry I am especially to those poor struggling Mums and Dads who don’t have any choice and already feel guilty about their child care decisions.

For the record I don’t claim to be an expert on children or anything for that matter and despite how I have come across I most certainly don’t want to judge anyone’s choices. Every caring parent does the best that they can for their individual circumstances.

My blog is where I rant on about my own opinions and experiences as a stay home dad. They may not be right or politically correct but they are mine. Isn’t that what blogs are for?

What I really need is help.

Women have a wonderful support network with sites like this and other mothering websites along with regular play groups where they all get together and discuss their issues. There is nothing like that for the Stay at home dad.

I started to blog my experiences so that other Stay at home dads might also have somewhere to go to share their experiences. It seems we are all in hiding.

Although websites like MM have some excellent information in them they are mainly tailored to a female audience so that I have to wade through articles about Ryan Gosling (yes, yes, OK he is hot, I get that) or the best new hair in order to find out something that may help me in my daily struggles as a new dad.

I have joined many a group but even though I am tolerated by the Mums I am not actually included in the conversations. Have other Stay at home dads had the same experience? I mean how could we possibly know how it feels to breastfeed or give birth or if our vagina (or was it vulva?) has gone back to its normal size and shape?

The whole point of the article was to try to say that I believe that children are not better off in child care. Not worse of either mind you, just not better off as the industry would make you believe. Instead I have come across as judgmental and failed miserably in the attempt.

I also noticed by some of the comments that some of you still believe that a man is incapable of raising a child properly. These are the kind of attitudes us Stay at home dads face every day. Just because I can’t actually give birth does not mean I can’t care for a child.

Perhaps the Stay at home dad role is the last bastion of sexism?

What is interesting to note is that like me, most of you felt the need to justify your own personal child care circumstance which makes me think that maybe we all feel a little bit guilty about the way we raise our children, whatever way that is. Why is that?

To those of you who have managed to strike a balance and are happy and secure in your childcare decisions I applaud you. Then there is me who struggles daily.

Please don’t hate me – Help me. I obviously need it.

If you would like to read all the other comments that this article generated then click here.

Posted in Stay at home dad | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments