Stay At Home Dad – Lazy Or Liberated?

Posted on March 21, 2012 by James

Stay at home dadI was shocked to find out today that my mother in law thinks that I am lazy because I stay home and look after our child and don’t go to work in a traditional sense. I wondered if that is what a lot of people think of a Stay at Home Dad?

She seems to think that we both should work and send our 2 year old to child care (guess who?) or that my wife should stay home or work part time and I should go to work full time.

I know that it is just the baby boomer mentality and that I should be able to tell them to mind their own business but it still cuts deep that they think of me like that.

Funnily enough it doesn’t seem to matter that my wife really wants to go to work full time. She has always been career orientated and has struggled with the lack of independence and structure that comes with the position of stay at home parent.

It doesn’t even matter that we decided long ago that we would make the financial sacrifice and try to make sure that one of us was always at home with our baby in the first three years. Isn’t that the most important time? After that we would reassess.

It doesn’t even seem to matter that I have taken up the stay at home dad job with cheerful enthusiasm. Swimming lessons, kindy gymnastics, gourmet dinners, washing, ironing, cleaning, spelling, counting, reading, playing and singing are all in a days work for superdad.

Additionally, it doesn’t seem to matter that my university graduate wife has a greater earning capacity than me. I find it quite surprising that her parents pushed her so hard to get a degree but then want her to stay at home and not use it?

Everyone says how fast kids grow up and that you have to enjoy every moment when they are little but when you and your wife decide that it’s time for Dad to have a turn at home and see his child for more than one hour a day then suddenly I have become a lazy man who doesn’t want to work? Isn’t looking after a child and family home considered work?

How come a woman can stay at home and only look after a young child and that be considered normal? If she does all the additional housework then she really is a supermum. If Dad does it then there is something wrong with him. Worse still if he enjoys being a stay at home dad then there really is a cause for worry. Isn’t that women’s work?

The fact that I find time to write this blog is further proof to the in laws that I am wasting my time. What good (money) will ever come from writing a stupid little story book?  Add to that my artistic leanings (painting, drawing, songwriting and music) and I really am good for nothing in their eyes.

The main problem is that my wife left a job before she had a new one and now is having difficulty finding work and as the financial pressure grows with both of us at home and our savings dwindling, all eyes are looking at me, the man, to become the bread winner again.

In the stay at home parent world equal opportunity is a total myth…

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Should Your Baby Sleep In Your Bed?

Posted on March 19, 2012 by James

The decision as to where you let your baby sleep can be a tricky one. Some say that it is best for your baby to sleep in your bed (and easier to settle them in the night) and others say a bassinet in your room is fine.

We went a step further and put ours in her own cot and (shock, horror) in her own room.

I’m sure some people would say we are neglectful and that it is best for your baby to stay on your person at all times. We disagree.

Everyone will have an opinion. We based our technique on the “train them early” system not to mention the laws of temporary parental insanity and the desperate need for a bit of uninterrupted sleep and adult time syndrome.

I admit that at the time we had those horrible bad parent thoughts. I mean how could you leave a brand new baby just out of the womb all by itself are you crazy! The poor little thing all alone in a cold, dark room blah, blah blah.

We also wondered if we were crazy in having to get out of bed every second to settle, change or feed bub. It certainly made for some serious sleep deprivation early on.

The more we thought about it the more we realized that it would be so much better for her to get used to her own room in the beginning rather than trying to lever her out of our bed at a later stage when she knows what is going on.

Let’s face it, they really don’t know any better at that age and they only know what you teach them so do them and your relationship with your partner a favour and teach them that having their own corner of the family cave is the normal thing. Which it is of course. I believe it’s much better done sooner rather than later.

If you are an attentive new parent and always on hand your child won’t so much as fart before you’ve flung yourself out of your bed ( mmmn – your own bed !) with a SIDS leaflet and a copy of the latest how to raise a baby book so don’t worry about being neglectful.

In actual fact you are doing them a favour by starting this practice from the beginning when everything is different for them. It’s not as if they haven’t had to deal with major separation and upheaval already. A few days ago they were in a nice warm womb when all of a sudden they are pushed into the world where everything is new.

The most important thing in all this is to make sure you always let your baby know that you are close at hand. It means constant checking and almost no sleep for the first few weeks but as soon as bub gets used to the situation they seem to really like their own little space that can be kept quiet and away from all the daily noise and activities. Then your baby will sleep more as they are disturbed less.

The average baby sleeps for about two out of every three hours so instead of putting her in your empty bed during the day then put her in her own cot instead. What’s the difference? You are not generally in your bed anyway.

Then during the night they will be used to their own cot and you can get a couple of hours uninterrupted sleep in your own bed. Everyone gets a better night’s sleep and you can check the baby, go to the loo or even roll over without waking everyone up.

It does take a little more effort during those night feeds as you have to actually get out of bed but it also meant that we didn’t disturb our bub whenever we had to go into our room for anything during the waking hours.

On top of all that it meant that we didn’t disturb her when it was time for us to go to bed and we didn’t hear all the little gurgles during the night which keeps all nervous new parents awake.

The best part about all this extra effort in the beginning is that you will have a chance of a full night’s sleep as soon as bubs belly has grown big enough to hold enough food to keep her going for 6 – 8 hours.i.e around about the 3-4 month mark.

So should your baby sleep in your bed? For us the answer was a definite “no”.  We feel justified now as our little one just loves her own bed and has slept through the night since she was 4 months old.

Those who co-sleep will have to wait years for that luxury…

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Babies Speech Development

Posted on March 16, 2012 by James

If your child points to five different objects and makes the same sound for all of them it is not because they think that those five objects are all the same thing. It is because they can only make one type of sound!

Learning and comprehension far outstrip speech development in the first couple of years so don’t fool yourself into thinking that your small child is too little to understand just because they can’t speak.

Kiddies understand and absorb everything long before they can communicate with speech. In actual fact the general reason for this lack of early speech is physiological, due to the position of their vocal cords in relation to their wind pipes, not any lack of comprehension or intelligence.

The human body is designed in this way so that little babies don’t choke when they are feeding. As their little throats grow the wind pipe opening gradually moves into the position it is in adults and the vocal cords are engaged thus enabling them to form sounds and eventually intelligible words.

There are also 60 muscles controlling the vocal cords only, not to mention the amount for the tongue and mouth so it is no wonder it takes a while to be able use them all in the correct sequence to actually form words.

On top of that they also have a whole world full of new words to learn so it is no wonder it takes a little while for them to get the hang of it.

Not so with listening and understanding. If your child hears well then they will probably understand the simplest instructions very early on. They will certainly know what almost all of the things around your home are well before they can actually say them.

I  don’t think we should treat them like they are stupid just because they can’t talk yet. If we take the time to listen, watch and pay attention when they are trying to communicate or speak rather than writing it off as “baby talk” you might get a big surprise as to the amount they actually know.

We tried communicating with non-verbal cues or even sign language to aid the situation. Our bub gets quite excited when we understand something she is trying to say. She even says “Ah haaah” when we get it right.

It’s also mistake to confuse lack of understanding with wilfulness. If your child is not following your instructions it could be because they don’t want to, not because they don’t understand.

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