Advice from Superdad

I am happy to say that so far I have not come across too much outward discrimination towards the stay at home dad. For the most part people have been very supportive and encouraging, commenting how more men should do it and how it is good for my relationship with my child.

The only blatant sexist comment has been from a female G.P. (of all people) who I went to see a few weeks back when I was suffering from the flu. She asked me what I did for a living and when I told her she looked at me incredulously and with a laugh said “Is that all you do?”

Mind you she also said that I did not have a flu (despite my dripping nose, sore throat, temperature, headache and general lethargy) but in fact I was suffering from reflux.

She slipped two or three sample packets of reflux tablets into my palm and with that the diagnosis was finished. In other words there is no doubt that this woman is an absolute fool.

The attitudes that are starting to rub me the wrong way are coming from people who I deal with on a weekly if not daily basis. For example there is a shop assistant woman who I see every week where I buy my fruit and vegetables.

We talk all the time and she knows all about my stay at home dad situation and even claims to support it. Why then does she continually ask my daughter, “Where is your Mummy?”
“Mummy is at work” we say.
“Where is your Mummy?” she asks again.
“Mummy is at work”
‘Where is your Mummy” she asks again and again.

And again and again, time after time and week after week. Can’t she think of anything else to say or does she just want to reinforce the fact that yes Mummy is at work and yes Dad is at home.

It is exactly the same with a neighbour of ours when we run into her around the apartment block during the day.

”Where’s Mummy, where’s Mummy, where’s mummy ?” She says again and again.
“Umm hello moron. Mummy is at work like she was the last fifty times you asked us!”

What is wrong with these people ? I bet they don’t say “Where is Daddy” to the stay at home Mums.

Do they think that we are stupid, do they not understand the answers, is that all they can say in English or is it a backhanded snipe at a man that they think should be at work while the mum stays at home with the child?

Do I have a genuine gripe or am I just becoming oversensitive and paranoid about not earning the bread?

Even though I feel extremely happy about our domestic situation (in fact I think I may have actually found my calling ) I still can’t help but feel the barbs of those who may not think that it is a worthwhile occupation for a man. Either way that stupid “Where is your Mum” question is really starting to annoy me.

I feel really sorry for the next person who asks….

After much discussion with my fellow Stay at Home Dads we decided upon a few definitions as to what actually is a stay at home dad.

Simple you might say but apparently not. There are a lot of Dads out there who consider themselves to be the primary carer of their children simply because they pick up the kids from school everyday.

Then there are those whose wives (or partners) earn more money than they do and as they are not the primary breadwinner and they do a little work around the house, they then consider themselves to be the main carer by financial default.

There are also those who work from home or have unusual or erratic work hours that enable them to spend more time with their kids than your average nine to fiver father.

We thought that the best description was probably a reversal of the 1950’s housewife routine. That is all of the domestic duties (meal planning and shopping, washing, cooking, cleaning etc.) and the raising of and caring for children without performing any paid work.

Of course (unlike the 50’s) many of the domestic duties can be shared but the average day to day duties of a stay home dad would be very similar to what our Mums did when it was socially acceptable to be a stay home parent as a full time occupation.

The biggest factor we all decided upon (all three of us !) was financial. To truly know how it feels to be the stay at home dad one must not earn an income of their own.

Earning your own money gives you a sense of freedom and independence that you just don’t have when you have to ask for a few bucks to go somewhere. That power really is in the breadwinner’s hands.

We all agreed that while our collective wives were all very generous there was something slightly emasculating about having to put your hand out every time you want to purchase anything or go anywhere, especially when it is a ‘man luxury’ like a beer with your mates at the local pub.

It can also be quite difficult when you want to surprise your partner with a gift or a weekend away but have to ask for the money before hand and they will know how much you actually spend on any given item like birthday or anniversary presents.

In addition it can be pretty un-romantic and slightly embarrassing to ask your partner out on a ‘date’ when you know that you will have to pass the bill over to them at the end of the night.

While the social stigmas and financial freedoms may take a little getting used to, we all agree that there is no substitute for watching your kids grow up a little every day. Every man should have the opportunity to be a stay at home dad, even if only for a little while.

Can anyone lend me $50…..?